THOUGHTS DURING MASS TIME/

I went to church today. It was at St. Leo's, a small and cozy brick structure. The air inside smelled cool and sweet, like bottled goodness. We almost got lost in the sea of pink Americans when I spotted him. Not Him, but him... the beautiful prayerful boy. The kind of boy you would want to meet and eventually marry in church.

Though he is a man, I refer to him as a boy because he had an angelic face befitting of a child. My gaze fell upon him because he was so solemn. He made the sign of the cross like a swimmer slices through water. It was easy and natural. Unlike most people whose eyes roam the church, his gaze did not wander from the altar. Even at our closest during communion, he did not acknowledge my presence. You gotta love him for that. Men who can be this devoted to God are very sexy.

Thus it was a big disappointment when the mass ended and he took the hand of the person sitting before him. I had dismissed that woman as his sister because they remained indifferent to each other during mass. Haaaaay...

A sudden wave of sadness crashed. Seeing that boy was like taking me to a toy store and showing me a doll I would never be able to play with. I was just about to throw a mental tantrum when the thoughts came stumbling out of nowhere, "Life is not about what you want, it is about what God wants".

Huh?!. Where did those thoughts come from? I guess it just goes to show how unhappy I get when God does not give me what I want. It was a good thing to reflect upon and gave way to a lot of questions that I needed to answer.

How ready am I to submit to God's will?
Though I pray for Him to lead me, am I prepared to obey Him?
If I trust God then why do I feel scared to give up the things I want?
How am I to discover what God wants for me?

I can't believe all those thoughts were triggered by an American boy. I don't even remember the gospel reading. I did try to give my full attention but the priest was a little uncreative. He basically repeated 3 sentences over and over again with varying degress of impact. This does not really pass for a homily in my book. But then who am I to judge? I was practically stalking a boy during mass.